For the last few months I have been living with a false sense of security. In my last apartment, we had all sorts of insects running around. Mostly basement monsters, but the occasional spider too. I thought I was safe in our new place. But, my peace of mind was short lived. I should have realized that we moved into this place in colder weather and that most insects were hibernating or in insect revolt planning meetings or whatever bugs to in the winter. But now that the weather is warming up, I have had a very troubling experience: a few days ago I saw a spider in my kitchen.
Those of you who have lived with me know how much I hate and fear spiders. I have so many spider stories. I used to bribe my brother with candy to kill spiders for me. (The later at night and the more he had been asleep, the more candy I had to give.) Luckily, he is a nice brother and never tried to put bugs in my bed or anything. Mrs. Weasley (back when she was just the Future Mrs. Weasley) probably killed about a million spiders in our apartment, with me squeamishly cringing in the corner. Once Nat the Rat convinced me to let her use one of my computer science books to smoosh a spider in the bathtub, but when she picked up the book, the spider was still alive! I screamed like nothing else.
(Aside: for me, spiders are kind of like watching scary movies. I get all tense and I don't really want to know what's going to happen next, but I can't look away. And if something unexpected happens, I scream.)
And then there was the time Jane Eyre courageously fought the battle of the spiders with me. I don't remember why I went into my bathroom after Jane was asleep - maybe it was the middle of the night or maybe I just went to bed after her - but when I went in there, there were about a billion little red spiders in the sink. It was disgusting. I think they'd just hatched or something. I knew I couldn't handle this alone, so I woke Jane up and she helped me kill them. Yes, I even did some of the killing myself - I had to.
It was Jane Eyre that came up with my preferred method of killing spiders which is to spray them with whatever cleaning supply is handy until the spider curls up and dies. It's brilliant really. The only problem is that you still have to dispose of the spider carcass, which creeps me out almost as much as a live spider.
Anyway, back to the story at hand. The other day I was getting breakfast in the kitchen and I saw a spider. It was a lighter colour and it was above the cupboard above the sink. Well, being that high up, I naturally couldn't reach it. And being above the sink, I couldn't get to the cleaning supplies that were under the sink. (Obviously, that would have been throwing myself into harm's way, as the spider would have probably jumped onto my head, given the chance.) I'm always up earlier than my roommate, Scout, and she wouldn't have been much good anyway, being nearly as afraid of spiders as I am. So, I decided to just kind of keep an eye on the spider and when it moved away from the sink, I'd grab some windex or something.
I watched the spider as I poured myself some cereal. I had to look away for a second to pour the milk. When I looked again - the spider was gone! And I mean completely gone! It wasn't on any of the walls or anything. There was only one logical conclusion: it had apparated.
As terrifying as spiders are, wizard spiders are even worse. What if the spider apparates onto my face while I'm sleeping? What if it apparates into the shower? And there's no way to kill it, because it will just apparate away when I'm about to spray it with chemicals.
It is a truly terrifying situation I have gotten myself into.
I couldn't finish reading this post because I didn't need the visuals. Did I tell you about the time my dad took me to see Arachnophobia as a second grader? I think he thought it was a nature movie. It was NOT a nature movie, but the most terrifying movie ever made. I once cried myself to sleep b/c there was a small spider on my bedroom wall and my family was already asleep.
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