on spinsterhood

I'm sorry if this sounds more bitter than I intend.

First, I'll start out with a test for you:
In many of my posts on here, I mention my friend, Legolas.  I've known him for about two years.  We hang out quite a bit and I consider him to be one of my dearest friends.  I would say I usually see him at least five days a week, and sometimes oftener.  Recently, as you know, I was called to be the co-chair of the activities committee in my ward, with Legolas as the other co-chair.  Last week I found out that Legolas is now my home teacher as well.

If you thought to yourself after reading the above paragraph something along the lines of "she is sure thrown in with Legolas a lot; she is probably going to hook up with him" you failed the test.  

To be fair, if you thought that it is most likely because you don't see Legolas and I together a whole lot.  If you are from Columbus you probably thought something more along the lines of "Heavenly Father sure is trying to teach kristin patience".  I do love Legolas; I do.  He just knows me well enough to know how to really make me angry.  And he makes me angry on purpose because he thinks it's funny. A marriage to him would be short, and one of us would inevitably end up in prison for murder. (Most likely me as I'm more cunning than him.)  (And, he feels the same way, lest you think I'm breaking his heart.)

I've noticed a trend.  It seems like married people are the worst offenders when it comes to saying awkward things to me.  It's like there's something in the "marrieds only" drinking fountains that makes them forget how it was being single.  Married people think that because they got married, they are wise and must help us poor singles who are not wise.  There are a few notable exceptions, of course. Mrs. Weasley, Anne of Green Gables and Scout must have taken the vaccine because they seem to remember being single and don't say some of the awful things that other people seem to think are okay.  Can I just run through a quick list of things that people really have said to me and why they annoy me?  Consider it a public service announcement to my married friends.  Are you wondering why your single friends no longer want to talk to you? This could be why.

First off, general statements that I get all the time.
- "You just need to get out there more."  Sometimes I think people don't understand that I really do actually want to get married.  Yes, I spend my time doing things like travelling and being happy instead of working on my hope chest, but I would honstely and truly love this blessing in my life.  I'm not actively avoiding men.  I go to church, to FHE, to institute, to parties, to ward activites, etc. And I even talk to people while I'm there.  I'm not sure what else you want me to do. (Though, I'm sure you've got some great ideas you could share with me.)  I do skip Sunday School sometimes. Maybe that's my problem.
- "You're just being too picky."  Girls who don't go out every weekend don't feel picky; we feel ugly. And I don't want to just be married - I also want to be happy.  My dad always says he'd rather I was single and happy than married and unhappy.  If I'd wanted to just be married, I think I could be.  Perhaps I'm being cocky, but occasionally men are actually interested in me. But why would I marry someone forever if I know we couldn't be happy together? I realize that everyone has problems in their marriage, but sometimes I know I just couldn't respect someone in that way.  That's not being picky - it's being realistic.
- "So, do you have your eye on anyone?"  I never answer this question in the affirmative, even if I do.  The asker will always want details and then they will always ask you about the young man in questions for the rest of your life along with helpful advice like, "you should invite him over for dinner." Brilliant! No wonder I'm still single - I'm too dumb to think of things like that!
- "Don't worry - you're still young."  I hate this.  Not only is it condescending, but to quote from one of my favorite books, The Blue Castle by L.M. Montgomery - "Oh, I know. Yes, I'm 'still young' - but that's so different from young." It's like saying, "We haven't quite given up on you yet, but would you hurry up? You don't have much time here!"

And now, non-general statements; things that people have actually said.
- "Are you going to try to get married, or are you going to be an old maid like your sisters?"  This statement was made in front of one of my unmarried sisters.  Thank you Mr. Tact.  I'm pretty sure I told him I was going to be an old maid.
- "You know you're breaking your mother's heart, right?"  Now I have the have responsibility for my mom's heartache as well as my own.  If only I knew how sad my singleness was making my mother, I would have tired harder. I guess I'm just heartless. Maybe if you have a kitten, I can kick it.
- "If you aren't dating any boys in your ward, maybe you should date a non-member and convert him."  This was my grandma's advice.  I guess she's given up on me marrying in the church.  I don't think she realizes that most people these days expect to have sex before they get married, but other than that, it is a fool proof plan.
- "What if you have been fighting it for so long that one of your little Legolases doesn't get to be born anymore?" This was said to me by one of my friends who thinks I'm just being stubborn about not wanting to date Legolas.  I kind of felt like she'd punched me in the stomach.  Trust me, I'm acutely aware of my biological clock and it really does worry me that maybe I won't be able to have all the children I'd like.

Again - I'm sorry it sounds like I'm just a bitter old maid.  (Maybe I am.)  I just think sometimes people don't realize how they sound when they say these things.  I feel like when people just want to know about my singleness, that they're condensing my whole life into the one fact that I'm still not married.  When you look at it that way, maybe I am a failure.  But I've done so many other things in my life, too.  It's not like being single is a disease that needs to be fixed.  And, yes, I'm sure there are loads of things I could be doing better in my life that would make me more attractive to the opposite sex.  But please don't define me by my social status.  Deal? Deal.

Whew! Now that I've gotten that off my chest, can I just say, have you seen how good looking Legolas is in his new shirt? I wonder if he'd like to come over for dinner this weekend... I mean, It's not like I'm getting any younger....