keeping my guardian angels busy

Most of us think we're pretty good drivers.  I know I'm not that great. As I was driving home from Cleveland the other day I realize that I've done lots of things that I probably shouldn't.  For your reading pleasure, here's a list of things that I've done in the past (I definitely don't do any of these things any more, I swear) but only when I've been alone. I do try to be a little safer when I have others in the car, though only because I'm embarrassed to do these things in front of others probably.

- Call and text people.  I think that almost everyone does this.  Come on, I know you have, just admit it.  (Aside: the other day I was texting Legolas while driving and I accidently told him, "I'll son you soon" instead of "I'll see you soon."  You know 866 instead of 833. Awkward. Luckily he didn't take me up on it.)

- Eat.  I think everyone has eaten in the car too.  I've made fry sauce while driving.

- Change clothes.  I bet a good percentage of people have done this while driving too.  I've done this so many times.  Occasionally I've changed from top to bottom, including putting on tights and changing my shirt.

- Sit cross legged.  Just on long trips.  I mostly stopped doing this when I realized I couldn't stop in a hurry if I needed to.

- I wear my sunglasses at night.  I just wanted to see what it was like.  And then I forgot I was wearing them and I kept them on for about half an hour.

- Don't defrost the wind shield.  When I was in high school I sometimes didn't scrape at all.  I'd just look out the little patch of visible glass at the very base of the wind shield until the whole thing was defrosted as I drove to school.

- Read. Did you doubt it?

- Take pictures and videos.  Sometimes you just see the coolest things when driving.  Or I'll record odometer milestones.  I took a video in the snowstorm I was in while driving to Ohio so people would know how awful it was.

So, yeah, it's pretty much a miracle I'm still alive.  It probably doesn't make you feel safer knowing that there's people like me out there on the road.  Just smile for the camera!

don't worry, i've got your back

My friend the Werewolf works in a research lab.  He goes in a couple of nights a week to feed baby mice until they die and then he takes out their intestines for research.  I know it sounds kind of gruesome, but the research team is trying to figure out ways to keep babies born prematurely alive.  (According to the Werewolf, the number one killer of premature babies is intestinal tract infections.)

He tells me that he's often there alone at night and sometimes it gets a little eerie.  Being the good friend that I am, I made him this helpful list.

Ways the Werewolf could die while in the lab:

- rat escapes and bites his face off

- someone mugs him while he's walking to his car

- genetically altered mice revolt
- bit by sick baby legolas* while feeding it
- contaminated by baby legolas blood after it dies
- peta activists invade
- racing downstairs so he's not late and trips
- stuck in the elevator
- poisonous snakes in the air vents
- bubonic plauge
- heart attack
- overheating
- computer/radio short causing electrocution
- equipment malfunction
- stabbed with needle
- raptor attack
- accidental cut with unsanitary dissecting instruments
- pass out from the fumes and hit his head
- stuck in the dead rat freezer
- vivarium fire
- something falls on him in the construction zone
- tarantula in a rat suit
- mutant shark attack
- poisonous spider bite
- rabies from mice
- building suddenly sinks into the earth
- natural disaster: tornado, earthquake, tsunami
- fire ant infestation
- contracts the swine flu from coworker
- boredom
- pass out from not eating
- security guard misunderstanding
- paper shredder accident
- zombies get in from the hospital
- zombie mice from the dead rat freezer
- lyme disease

- going blind from exploding rat guts
- did i mention raptor attack?

*I once asked the Werewolf if he named his baby mice and he said he didn't because it would be too sad when they died, plus he couldn't really tell them apart anyway.  So I convinced him to call them all Legolas**.  Sometime when I talk to him about work I just ask how the little Legolases are doing.

**Legolas's real name, not actually "Legolas".

i can't think of a title for this post

According to the Brothers Bloom, the best con is one in which everyone involved thinks they get what they want.  This post doesn't apply to cons, but it does apply to everyone getting what they want.

As you may or may not be aware, Scout was married last Saturday.  My original plan for my apartment when Scout left was to turn her room into my library.  As time went on, however, I became aware that I didn't really want to live alone.  And one day, I was thinking about this and I thought, "I wonder if Scarlet would enjoy living here."  About a month later, I was at a party with Scartlet (and others) and I just decided to ask her.  She had been living at home, so I wasn't sure that she'd be enamoured with the idea, seeing as she'd be saving money by not living with me, but I figure what could be the harm in asking.

(Aside: this is how I usually recieve spiritual promtings.  I have ideas that seem like good ideas and I act on them without thinking about them too much.)

Well, she was all for it.  Even more than I expected.  I guess she currently shares a room with her sister and she wanted some more space before she starts school back up in January.  Plus, the added benefit of living with me.  So she said yes in a New York minute.

The funny thing is, Scarlet thinks I'm doing her a favor.  Last night she started moving some of her stuff in and she thanked me (again) for inviting her to live with me.  But in reality, I think it's her that's doing me a favor.  I get a roommate who is sweet and easy going.  It will save me money and sanity.  When I live alone I do crazy things like talk to myself out loud (more than usual).  And I don't like looking out the blinds because what if there is an alien with poison gas leaking out its fingers waiting for me out there?  And don't get me started on the basement.   Who know what crazy stuff lives down there when I'm alone?  And I do other crazy things like wear hats like this around the house all day.

And the first night that Scout was gone there was a ginormous spider just hanging in front of my door.  Just hanging there! And I'm not kidding when I say it was ginormous.  It was at least as big as my thumb.  If I had a roommate at the time, I could have called her to let me in the back door (which is barred most of the time).  But as it was, I was trapped. Luckily, Legolas was in the neighborhood, and I had him come rescue me, so I didn't have to sleep outside.

So you see, it's mutually beneficial.  Scarlet thinks she's getting the better end of the deal, but I think I'm really lucking out here too. It's a win win win situation.

it's not you, it's me

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a guy at work about how much I love "30 Rock". (It is seriously funny - go check it out.) He told me that "Community" was better. Rather than fight it out, we both agreed to watch the other's show and talk about them.

Since that time, he has watched every single episode in all four seasons of "30 Rock". Me? I have watched zero episodes the eight total episodes currently out of "Community". It's not that I don't want to. I do. I like laughing and finding things to laugh at. I've even put "watch community" on my to-do list several days, but to no avail. It's just that I really honestly and truly forget to watch it every time I might have time to do so. When I have just a bit of spare time I almost never think, "I should watch some tv." I don't have cable - I just have rabbit ears - so why would I go sit in front of the tv for four stations? (Answer: I wouldn't.) And since I'm out of practice watching tv on my actual tv, I forget that I can watch tv online sans commercials.

I'm not one of those self-righteous people that thinks I'm awesome for not watching much tv or who looks down on you for watching. Sometimes I wish I watched more tv. There's some good shows out there. And I like knowing what other people are talking about. And it's fun to quote.

Most of the time I can't even tell you what else I'm doing. Reading for sure. And running. (Though now that it gets dark at 5:30, it's harder to run because I can't run safely outside and treadmill running makes me crazy. I really have to work myself up to go running on a treadmill.) (Aside: if anyone likes running outside at night in cold weather and will be my body guard, there is currently an opening.) And... hanging out with people? Who knows.

I think I'm just better at watching stuff if I'm with people. I feel like I'm being social even if we're just all sitting and watching the same thing together. (This is probably because I talk during shows, so I do feel like I'm being social.)

Mostly I feel badly because I feel like I'm not fulfilling my promises. I have several videos that I've borrowed from people that I haven't gotten around to watching yet. Plus my Netflix. And now "Community". But, it's on my to-do list, so I'm sure I'll get to it this week...

we heart drew

My sister Elizabeth is doing a triathlon this weekend to benefit her friend Drew who has cancer.  Should you feel so inclined, you can look him up on his blog and donate to his cause.

drew

Go Liz!

earrings and things

The back story:  For Halloween, I wore a track suit, loads of makeup, big "Utah" hair, high heels, bangles and huge hoop earrings. Then, a name tag that said "your mom".  I'm not going to lie, it was pretty hot.

The story:  The earrings I wore came with two other, smaller pairs.  I decided to wear the smallest of the three to church. 

At the beginning of Sunday School, before separating for classes, each organization makes announcements for what they have coming up.  This week it was Legolas's turn to make the announcement for the activities committee.  Before he got up, a member of my committee asked if she could say something about break the fast when I gave the announcement.  I told her it was Legolas's turn, but that she still could.  Well, when he stood up to give the announcement - he wasn't close to me (for once) - and I tried to get his attention so I could tell him that this girl needed to say something.

Mid-announcement, Legolas said, "Hold on, kristin is trying to say something to me, but I'm being distracted by her huge hoops."  Half the ward turned around to look at me and I got many compliments throughout the day on my lovely earrings.

Later, Guy Montag came up to me and asked what the deal was with my big lips.  I must have had a confused look on my face because he said, "You know, what Legolas was distracted by?"  I told him Legolas said "hoops" not "lips".  Guy said that I should make sure that's what people thought he said because it sure sounded like lips to him.

He was not the only one who misheard.  On the drive home, Scout told me that another (male) member of the ward thought that Legolas said "boobs".  (Of course, one look at me, and you know I've got nothing that could be considered distracting in that area.)

I guess the take away here is to be careful of the words you use when describing other people in front of the whole ward.