Well, I know I said I'd stop being serious, but I guess I've had a hard time not being so serious lately. I've felt exceptionally sad this last little while because of my dad, most of all, and other life events. (To those of you who just thought, "Yeah, I know what 'life events' she means, heh heh heh." I say to you, mmmmmmmnnnnnnnttttt!!*) Sometimes the weight of it all seems like too much and I wonder how I can ever get through it. And then I realize that there is no other way but through. I can either get through it or I can die, I suppose, but I don't think that would help my family out very much. The most important thing to me is whether or not I can get through it all with grace. So far, I don't think I'm doing a bang up job, but luckily I have an awful lot of help.
And even though I sometimes feel it is too much, I also sometimes feel like the windows of heaven have truly been opened and I don't have room to recieve all the things I'm being blessed with. I feel like my heart has been greatly healed by the amazing friends and family I have. It means the world to me just to have people let me know they're thinking about me, even if they maybe don't realize why they are and that they are helping me so much.
I know I run the risk of offending people when I name people by name, because I will undoubtedly leave someone out, but I just want those of you to know that you have been such a blessing to me! Though I'm pretty reserved by nature and don't usually reach out to other people, it means so much when people reach out to me and just let me know that they're thinking about me and that we're still friends. I get text messages from Erika almost every other day letting me know she likes me and donuts. I got an email from two old roommates - both named Natalie - in one day just saying they were thinking about me. Andrew and Sachi started chatting with me in gchat just to say hi. Steve said hi in Facebook and said he would come visit if I wanted him to. Cody, Brandi and Stacey all emailed me. And Braden, for just commenting on my blog every once in a while, so I know he's still reading it. Kate is always emailing and texting and asking how she can help. And of course there is Stephen, who is one of the best friends a girl can have. He calls and texts and emails and lets me know that I'm doing okay. And as a sign of true friendship, he's been on time to the things we do together for me, just because he knows how much it means to me. He's really been there for me when I've needed him.
One of the most touching is Kacey and Erin who are taking me on a trip to Las Vegas, just so I can have something to look forward to and a reason to get away. I'm not sure I would have ever thought to do that for someone else, but I just felt their friendship so much when they told me that they had been secretly plotting this for me. I started crying at work, which is always fairly awkward, but luckily I work with mostly men, so I don't think anyone noticed.
So, life is hard, but good at the same time. I struggle through the best I can and you take me for what I am. And I do think I'm learning something from all of this. At least I hope I am.
I don't have a picture this time - so how about a link to one of my favorite BYU devotionals instead? (You can skip most of the beginning, unless you are really interested in learning about the history of nursing at BYU. The rest is amazing.)
Learning the Healer's Art
*That is me sticking my tongue out at you
It's so true that you do just get through it. Fortunately and unfortunately, life just keeps on happening regardless of whether or not you want it to.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who lost his dad to cancer last year. I remember looking at him and his wife and wondering how on earth they managed to keep going after something like that. Then, on the day of his dad's funeral, we found out that my dad had cancer too. And so now I'm the one learning that life just keeps happening and you just keep moving even when you have heartbreaking, terrifying or tragic things happen. Those things just become part of your life, and how you deal with them becomes part of who you are.
So, a very long and rambly comment from someone you hardly know, but who can perhaps understand the smallest bit of your pain.
Um, regarding the devotional link: who wouldn't want to learn about the history of nursing at BYU? I'm going to read it after I type this.
ReplyDeleteAs always, I'm here if you need anything. I'll be on time too.
You are doing a bang up job, even if you don't think you are. I locked myself away, became totally anti-social, and ruined every relationship I had. I ate nothing but oreo pie for a year, and gained 85 lbs. Trust me, you are doing swell.
ReplyDeleteRemember that time you were standing on my back and I did a push up so fast you almost went through the ceiling?
ReplyDeleteGood times.... Good times...
Don’t forget the birthday texts at 12:00AM too. Those are tough to remember every year...
Braden - I totally forgot about that push up! Thanks for reminding me. You really did literally fling me off. I tried to find it in my journal, but I couldn't. I'll keep looking though. Those were good times. And, yes, always lovely those birthday texts. :)
ReplyDelete