there's traps and there's traps

I don't know why this story is in my head lately, but I figure i'll share it.  When my sister Lizzy still lived in Houston, I went to visit her.  We went to the Rothko Chapel with her friend Tye.  Just to make conversation I asked him what he liked to do.  He told me, "Pretty much all I do is work on my traps."  And I was thinking, well, that's kind of weird, but this is Texas.  I wonder if he has a lot of animals around his house and if he kills them and skins them or if he lets the animals go.  And also, I wonder why anyone would build their own traps, but again, everyone has their own hobbies.  And I wonder what kind of mechanisms he uses for his traps and if he's trying to build better and newer traps that will change the world of trapping as we know it.  I asked him what kind of traps he was building and it turns out he meant something completely different than what I was thinking.  I was a little disappointed because I was just starting to get excited by all this trapping stuff.

But the Rothko Chapel was pretty neat.

broken promises don't upset me; i just think - why did they believe me?

Well, I know I said I'd stop being serious, but I guess I've had a hard time not being so serious lately.  I've felt exceptionally sad this last little while because of my dad, most of all, and other life events.  (To those of you who just thought, "Yeah, I know what 'life events' she means, heh heh heh." I say to you, mmmmmmmnnnnnnnttttt!!*)  Sometimes the weight of it all seems like too much and I wonder how I can ever get through it.  And then I realize that there is no other way but through.  I can either get through it or I can die, I suppose, but I don't think that would help my family out very much.  The most important thing to me is whether or not I can get through it all with grace.  So far, I don't think I'm doing a bang up job, but luckily I have an awful lot of help. 

And even though I sometimes feel it is too much, I also sometimes feel like the windows of heaven have truly been opened and I don't have room to recieve all the things I'm being blessed with.   I feel like my heart has been greatly healed by the amazing friends and family I have.  It means the world to me just to have people let me know they're thinking about me, even if they maybe don't realize why they are and that they are helping me so much. 

I know I run the risk of offending people when I name people by name, because I will undoubtedly leave someone out, but I just want those of you to know that you have been such a blessing to me!  Though I'm pretty reserved by nature and don't usually reach out to other people, it means so much when people reach out to me and just let me know that they're thinking about me and that we're still friends.  I get text messages from Erika almost every other day letting me know she likes me and donuts.  I got an email from two old roommates - both named Natalie - in one day just saying they were thinking about me.  Andrew and Sachi started chatting with me in gchat just to say hi.  Steve said hi in Facebook and said he would come visit if I wanted him to.  Cody, Brandi and Stacey all emailed me.  And Braden, for just commenting on my blog every once in a while, so I know he's still reading it.  Kate is always emailing and texting and asking how she can help.  And of course there is Stephen, who is one of the best friends a girl can have.  He calls and texts and emails and lets me know that I'm doing okay.  And as a sign of true friendship, he's been on time to the things we do together for me, just because he knows how much it means to me.  He's really been there for me when I've needed him.

One of the most touching is Kacey and Erin who are taking me on a trip to Las Vegas, just so I can have something to look forward to and a reason to get away.  I'm not sure I would have ever thought to do that for someone else, but I just felt their friendship so much when they told me that they had been secretly plotting this for me.  I started crying at work, which is always fairly awkward, but luckily I work with mostly men, so I don't think anyone noticed. 

So, life is hard, but good at the same time.  I struggle through the best I can and  you take me for what I am.  And I do think I'm learning something from all of this.  At least I hope I am.

I don't have a picture this time - so how about a link to one of my favorite BYU devotionals instead?  (You can skip most of the beginning, unless you are really interested in learning about the history of nursing at BYU.  The rest is amazing.)

Learning the Healer's Art

*That is me sticking my tongue out at you

count your many blessings

I want to apologize. When I started this blog, my intent was only to write about frivolous things to make you laugh. And here is yet another fairly serious post. I just want to write a little bit about my blessings - specifically the people blessings I have in my life. After this, I promise I'll get back to frivolity.

First of all, of course, is my great family. I have wonderful parents who have taught me so much about how to live and how to love. And even though my dad is gone, I know he still loves me and is looking after me. And my mom is just great - so much strength! She is charity personified. I hope I'm ever so slowly getting to be more like her. I have three wonderful sisters who take me for who I am. They give me good advice and put up with all my craziness. And a great brother who looks after me like all big brothers should. I've really enjoyed living here in Columbus with him. And then there's my extended family. I'm really lucky to have great aunts and uncles and cousins who I can be friends with and who are just so much fun to be around.

I have some great friends too. I was having a rough day this week, so I called up my old buddy, Kreston because I knew he would tell me that I'm amazing and wonderful and even if it's not really true, it's nice knowing I can always hear that from him. It made me miss our old nights of sitting on his front step talking about anything and everything going on in our lives while I would weave things out of grass and promise that I really am giving up swearing this time and secretly wish for his creepy cat to die. (Side note: now that my secret wish has come true, I kind of feel bad for the "cat".) Life moves on and sometimes we move to Ohio, but it's nice to still have those old friends - Kreston and Erin and Kacey and Anne and Stacey and Caryn and Rebecca. (And many more that I'm not naming, but you know who you are.) They are the blessings of my time in Utah and it means a lot to me that we're still friends and I can still talk to them about seriously anything. It meant the world to me that Erin and Kacey showed up at my father's burial. And that they always tell me they can hop on the next flight and be here or meet me where ever I want, and to know that they actually mean it.

I have wonderful friends here in Ohio too. There's Erin who was my first friend here and who still sticks by me. And Stephen who dropped everything and came over the other night just because I wanted someone to talk to even though he had a big test the next day. And Lauren who is just a nice supportive roommate. (side note: I always seem to luck out in the roommate department; I haven't had many weirdo roommates. Which leads me to believe that I must be the weirdo roommate in most situations.) And Kate who is always thinking of me and how to help me and make me laugh. And Jacob who is just a good example of trying to do what's right. And everyone else in the ward who just thinks of little things to do and say to me, like sending a post card just to let me know you're thinking of me. It helps me so much.

I feel like I don't deserve to have such wonderful friends. I'm such a homebody - I just stay home and don't ever ask anyone to do anything with me. I don't feel like I am as good of a friend to you as you are to me, but I am grateful for all of you, even if I didn't specifically mention you. I take so much more than I give; I know that, but I just want you to know that I'm really grateful for you. (side note: I'm not saying this so that you'll comment saying that I really am I good friend. I know I could do so much better.)

So, thanks to all of you who have stuck with me, even though I am so very hard on you sometimes. You make my life so much the better!