hiking in hocking hills

About an hour southeast of the great city of Columbus there is a state park called Hocking Hills. (I don't know why it's called Hocking Hills, so don't ask.) Early Saturday morning, four of us headed down to the park for a hike. Now, I haven't really done much cold weather hiking in the past, but this hike was just absolutely lovely. I went with some adventurers who weren't afraid to leave the trail to go exploring. We found this absolutely amazing cliff, off the beaten path, and some great caves. We even walked back in a dry creek bed, which may have been my favorite part. (Especially since we didn't get lost.) And, sure, it was cold, but once we got moving we warmed up pretty quickly.

Another thing I really loved about this hike was that we didn't see any other people at all. The whole time it was just us. True, we were hiking on a horse trail and it may have been hunting season (I'm still not sure if it was or not) but it felt like we owned the whole place. Of course, then we realized that it was the perfect setting for a horror movie - four travelers, 2 girls and 2 boys, who left the path to go exploring get picked off one by one by the mysterious hocking monster. The only thing that would have made it better is if two of us had dated at one time or if we were cheating on our spouse with someone. (This was not the case for any of the parties involved.) Hopefully I was the main character in this film, so I survived. I'm a pretty good screamer, so there's a fair chance that I was.

And then Ohio state totally smoked Michigan in their annual rivalry football game. What could be better? (Of course I fell asleep during the 4th quarter, only to wake up to a text message when the game was over, but it was still a great day.) (Of course, last night I did dream that I was being attacked by monsters, but it was in the library, not out in the open.)

poems my mother taught me as a child

1.
Spider, spider on the wall,
Don't you know that you might fall?
Don't you know that wall's been plastered?
Get off the wall you little spider!

2.
What a marvelous bird is the pelican!
His beak can hold more than his belly can.
He scoops up fish in his beak, like a dish,
And I don't know how in the helican!

3.
A primal insect knocked on wood,
Tasted it, and found it good,
And that is why your cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.

4.
Into the well
Aunt Eliza fell.
We must buy a filter.

the adjuster (and i don't mean insurance)

(Warning: there is a fair bit of griping and some possible gross material in this post.)

There is a guy I work with at my job. I call him my boss when I'm talking about him, but really he is just the team lead of my project. I do not report to him at all.

If I was a novelist, this is how I would describe him:

He was a short man, with a bit of a bulge around the middle, evidence of too much time spent indoors. His swarthy face sported beady eyes that always seemed to be looking in the wrong place and a mustache that gave him the look of a, well... you know what. Since his youth, he had developed a habit of closing off his nasal passage and then expelling the air from his nose every once in a while in a short burst. Although he believed himself to be young and vibrant, his age was apparent. He was already starting to grey at the sides of his once dark hair and his lack of knowledge of the younger generation, both style and language, was painfully obvious to all with whom he spoke. He was full of self-importance, always quick to expose the mistakes of others and point out his own superior ideas and work ethic. Though he cared very much about his job, he didn't care much about people, generally assuming that everyone was dumber than he was and treating them accordingly. He was never wrong; not ever. If there was ever any attempt to implicate him in anyway, no matter how slight, he would become affronted and defend his honor in the harshest of arguments to all within earshot, as if he thought any idle words would damage his attempts at advancement.

I generally think he's an okay guy and I wouldn't really mind working with him except for two things:
1. He is the world's worst micro-manager. He will stand behind my desk and watch me work and give "helpful" suggestions as he watches. (He has never done web programming, so he's really not that helpful.) His desk is very close to mine and about 20 times a day he calls my name to come look at something that is "broken". (It is either my fault or my problem perhaps 5% of the time.) I probably spend 35% of my day talking to him.
2. This is the worst: he is an "adjuster". As I am not a man, I'm sure I do not completely understand the need to do this. However, I know plenty of men, and I have never noticed such a disgusting thing in any of my friends. This guy is always touching himself - like almost constantly. And as he is always in my cubicle it just makes me feel sick all the time. It's creepy and gross and it gives me the jibblies!

hey kid, want some candy?

Last night my friend Gatsby's little sister, MK, called me. She is a high school senior and is taking a photography class. She needed to take some action shots, so she asked if she could take some pictures of me running. (Coming from her it was not creepy. Had Gatsby asked, I would have said no.) So, around 8 we headed off to Fred Beekman Park for the photo shoot. It was pretty fun, actually. She took some shots of me with some special trickery that made me look like a ghost. (Or maybe I really am a ghost - maybe her camera takes pictures of dead people.)

At one point in the evening there was a slow, sketchy van that stopped a short distance from us. It made us a little nervous as there is a serial rapist in Columbus right now and Gatsby refused to come with us to protect us. (True, he may have had a legitimate excuse and the park is really well lighted and populated, but still.) It slowly pulled up to us and just as I was about to shout, "RUN!" we saw the inhabitants and it was just a couple of old ladies. They were being polite and were waiting to drive by so as not to be in our picture. Still, if they would have asked us if we wanted to see their gingerbread house, I would have said no.

Afterward, we stopped by a hip little smoothie shop for "pochies". They are a special kind of Asian smoothie, I guess. MK recommended getting "bubbles" in mine. She said it was just tapioca, which I don't like, but I figured it might be okay with a boatload of pineapple. (Everything with pineapple is good right?) But this wasn't your normal tapioca. This was tapioca on steroids. The little black things in there were the size of peas! The first time I sucked one up my abnormally large straw I almost lost it. After that, I just spit them out. (Try to imagine black, sqishy peas flying out of MK's white VW Beetle at 65 mph.)

from russia with love

Well, Little Sister got home from her mission on Thursday night. It was a delight to see her. She went to the Baltic Mission which comprises Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia. She spoke Russian. (As part of the former CCCP, most people there speak Russian, though many do not like to, as it is the language of oppression.) She spent the weekend teaching me Russian words and phrases since "no one here speaks Russian." (I didn't have the heart to tell her that the reason was because the United States won the cold war.....)

I spent the weekend at my parents' house, which meant having to do things with my parents' branch - including a Halloween party. I'm sure everyone means well, but they always ask the same tiring questions:
"So, when are you going to get married?" (Answer: "How the H would I know?")
"Do you have your eye on anyone?" (Answer: the eye roll)
"When are you and your siblings going to finally decide to settle down and give your parents some grandchildren?" (Answer: When you start keeping your nose out of my business. In other words, never.)
"Well, now all your siblings have been on missions - but not you. Do you think you'll go now?" (Answer: blerg)
The highlight was when my other mother in the branch told me to just do what one of her daughters did and have a baby out of wedlock - "Then people don't ask when you will get married." (PS. She was joking. She was not advocating immorality.)

In other news - my sister told me about a fun "game" one of her companions's uncles would play with her called "Russian Spy." Said uncle would "interrogate" the companion (she was younger - about 8ish) and say in a thick Russian accent: "What is your name?!" The companion would state her name and the uncle would slap her face (lightly - in a playing manner) back and forth with the front and back of his hand and say, "Lies! Tell me your name!" Companion would again say her name and again recieve this same treatment. I'm not sure how long this game lasted, but little sister thought it was pretty funny.

Games played this weekend: Russian Spy, Don't Eat Pete!, Ticket to Ride, Majong, Pinochle