Wednesday, April 7, 2010

the real problem with twilight OR this post can save your life

I know there has been quite a lot of debate on the Twilight series.  On the one hand, people repute that it teaches teenagers unrealistic expectations about romance - telling them that it doesn't matter how selfish and unconcerned you are about other people, a hundred year old gorgeous man who has had countless opportunities to love and be with other women will love you, a whiny teenager, for no apparent reason.  On the other hand, it's popular, and as we all know, popular, like, totally equals good, lol. 

I'm not going to address these issues.  I have found something more dangerous that I feel needs to be pointed out.  (Even more dangerous than reading poorly written romance novels masquerading as fantasies.)  Due to its popularity, the Twilight series is proliferating most dangerous and untrue ideas about the nature of magical creatures.

In the first Twilight book, Twilight, on page 248* Edward tells Bella that most myths about vampires are untrue. Sadly, because this books is so widely accepted, people are actually believing this fallacy.  This is causing our impressionable teens to believe it is safe to go out without garlic, holy water and holly stakes.  The girls might begin to think that if they are with a man who doesn't sparkle in the sunlight and who can't run fifty miles and hour whilst carrying them that he won't try to suck out their soul at night.  They might leave their windows open at night, leaving them susceptible to a vampire in bat form to enter.  What if a young girl is trapped in an ancient castle and comes across her host sleeping in a coffin?  She won't even know to fear for her life! 

Twilight is also propagating lies about werewolves. It teaches girls not to be afraid to go out during a full moon, when werewolves transform.  It also teaches that Native Americans between the ages of 17 and 25 pretty much run around shirtless all the time and if you make them angry they will transform into a giant wolf and hurt you, even if you are their girlfriend.  This teaches girls that Native Americans, while having some rockin' bodies, are abusive domestic partners, which is simply not true.  There is the additional issue that all werewolves are Native Americans.  According to my extensive research, only about 33% of all werewolves are in fact, Native American**.

(Side note: can anyone tell me what happens when a vampire bites a werewolf?  I've been wondering this for a while now.)

Additionally, these books teach that there are only two kinds of magical creatures: vampires and werewolves.  This means that girls are not preparing to interact with other kinds of creatures: faries, elves, dwarves, brownies, centaurs, minotaurs, orcs, shades, trolls, balrogs, nazgul, giant spiders, hippogriff, wyverns, giants, leprechauns, goombas, koopa troopas, poes, skulltulas, gobblins, unicorns, ghosts, gouls, basilisks, boggarts, dementors, pheonixes, thestrals, imps, dragons, grindylow, mermaids, pixies, yeti, griffin, astrids, cyclops, wood nymphs, harpies, hydra, zombies, wraiths, sprites, stingbulbs, witches, wizards and warlocks.

So, can we be rational about this?  Have a talk with the twilighters in your life about the dangers of magical creatures before it's too late!  Don't let the lies in the book spread to the point where it's too late to protect yourselves against the real dangers.  And for heaven's sake at least carry a crucifix and a silver bullet with you at all times!





*I made this page number up.  I do think it's in the book somewhere, but I'm too lazy to find out.

**According to the werewolves I know of: Remus Lupin. Fenrir Greyback and Jacob Black.  I think there are more werewolves in the Twilight books, but I don't know who they are and if I included them it would skew my statistics.

3 comments:

  1. I think Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a much more accurate representation of the realities of these dangers.

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  2. You forgot to mention Leprechauns.

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  3. Kristin, I'm so glad you brought this to my attention. I will be sure to address it in a series of lectures for my students . . . starting tomorrow.

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